I don’t really get the bible. Even the simplified ‘Message’ version for dummies still doesn’t grab me or give any meaningful insights. And after trying for periods of time going to church as an adult, I gave that up as not for me. I went as a child and was bored and rebellious.
But my family is firmly Christian and my brother sent this quote. He said perhaps that’s what my depression and Bipolar is about. It rings so true I had to share it.
‘… he said to me “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness”.… Therefore, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.’
And I remember it: feeling the strength when I reach the dredges of a depressive episode. The feeling of being on my knees during a depression, and reaching out in desperation to something bigger than myself.
My forever-weakness will always be there, so I am ready for grace. Every time I go through a depressed state I am surprised that I can’t do this on my own. I inevitably need spiritual help during a depression.
To be painfully honest, when I say a prayer, a connection is always made, and there is always an immediate answer and reassurance. It just takes a while for me to get on my knees.
The scientific and analytical side of my brain says I was on the mend anyway, or my inner voice was giving me the answer that was always there. But its a small voice, compared to the experience of speaking to something which seems to vast and endless compared to my little spot in this world.
