Mental disorders and drinking often go hand-in-hand
Wondering about your booze intake and impact on your mental state?
My psychiatrist said “don’t drink”, but was less clear in explaining the negative impact of drinking on my brain chemicals and my meds. Secondly, if you have done any research on alcohol, mental disorders & medication, it’s clear we shouldn’t be doing it. Bipolar and alcohol do not mix. Yes, but…. I say, you say, we all say….
So here is my insight having gone Alcohol Free for 70 days.
For me, alcohol has played centre stage for many years: in my pleasure, my release, my fun and my daily grind. Beyond the fun party-days at the beginning of my journey with alcohol, the real attachment began in my early 30s. Hypomanic or manic, alcohol has been there for me.
Whether I was highly strung from a too-intense day, a taxing and faltering marriage, or a weekend surrounded by kids, there was often a daily reason to drink. Wine helped me ‘come down’ and tolerate my environment. And then I would continue to drink some more as I tipped over into a self-centered, but ‘owed to me’, party-of-one.
On the flip side, I don’t turn to drink when I hit the Dark Depression, which I have read is so many people’s experience. In this depressed state, I would rather seek out medication that will ‘take me out’ and put me into a comatose sleep. Or at least put me mentally out of action, for as long as possible. But the same principle applies: booze messes with your brain chemicals and makes things worse.
Living with Bipolar and consuming alcohol, at any phase in the Bipolar cycle, eggs on the highs and the lows.
The science behind alcohol and brain chemicals
I have read that Bipolar and alcohol are often found to be best friends. As we self-medicate with alcohol even while on bipolar medication, we unintentionally release more and more Dynorphin in our brains. This is the opposite of endorphins, increasing long term anxiety. Sucks huh?!
Now combine Bipolar and alcohol and multiply that effect. Please check out this 10 minute YouTube clip if want to know more about the brain science.
An alcohol free experiment
So back to my faithful friend – literally Relief From Life in a bottle. I am running a little experiment and have hit (yay yay yay!!!!) 70 days sober of a 90 day no-alcohol challenge. I don’t have to wait to Day 90 to share some of my findings.
But before I get into that, believe me when I say there is a massive community out there going alcohol-free (AF for people in the process of change 😉). Check out the One Year No Beer programme (the one I am using and can recommend) and This Naked Mind podcasts. I also listened to Annie Grace’s book on Audible, and it was a game changer. You can begin with the book while still drinking!
Here is what I have learnt being alcohol free (AF)
Life is bigger and better sober. I drank for over 30 years. I thought it was part of who I am. It’s not.
I enjoy socialising sober.
I actually listen to other people. And oh my gosh, I can dance sober until I sweat! Friends and family are mostly supportive, if a little incredulous. I think that glass in my hand looked like a permanent attachment.
I have moved out of my own head and into the world.
Thanks to more energy, a clear mind, and more time (you would not believe the hours and hours going AF gives you back), I am engaging in the world. By this I mean improved listening skills in my day-to-day interactions with people.
And I am also starting to seek out causes which are personal to me. Along this vein, I started mentoring a female entrepreneur. I am now involved in an anti-trafficking movement. There is still so much I can give – and believe me, so can you.
My patience levels have gone up, my anxiety has gone down.
The ‘Quit Lit’ explains there is a scientific reason for lowered overall anxiety levels, which I will leave to the experts to explain (various books on the subject). I can attest that it’s 100% true. And now if my emotions are not stable I can interrogate beyond the fallback position of “well, I am bipolar”. Now I ask – am I premenstrual? Do I need to apologise? Was I judgy? Do I need to get to gym, meditate, or get more sleep? A sober mind is a clear mind.
I am still in awe of what I notice each day.
As I wake up to the world around me, the sky looks brighter, food tastes better (also scientifically true), and I hear birds. This sounds so cheesy I know, but it’s true! These moments bring a flood of gratitude.
My hubby is loving me sober.
Hubby thought he would lose his fun-loving good-time gal, who could be always be relied upon to take the party one step further. But we both discovered something else… hanging out over a conversation, not over a bottle of wine.
The best AF discovery of all
I am the best mom in the world!
I don’t think they have noticed anything specific, and I have been quite open about my research into alcohol. The poor kids have learnt that alcohol has the highest Harm Score of all drugs, beating heroin and crack cocaine.
But I have noticed something else fundamental: my boys get my undivided attention. Whereas before, I would sometimes want to move from my second glass to my third glass, and move them to second base.
I now always read stories sober (yes, I admit with much cringing that I mastered the art of speaking clearly – I hope – while reading stories drunk). I am moving towards them, not trying to move from one interaction to the next. Even if they don’t notice, I know for sure I love being this kind of mom.
Replacing a passion for alcohol with a passion for AF
I do worry that I am hyperthymic, and have simply transferred one area of ultra-focus for another. Instead of a booze fueled life – or let’s say a 60% booze fueled life to make this less dramatic – I now lead an AF-community fueled life. The online AF community have heard way too much from me. And if I am not adding to AF forum’s, I am listening to AF podcasts and reading AF Quit Lit (really, that’s what it’s called).
Let’s believe that this is an awakening for me, and my 90 days will lead to something more. Let’s believe that at 48, I have discovered something new. So what I used at 14 to feel rebellious, and at 18 to feel more confident, and in my 30s to enhance and cope with life, no longer serves me. And at last I am adhering to Doc L’s advice to not drink on my meds.
Where to next
If you are questioning the impact of alcohol on your Bipolar life, then you are likely drinking more than is good for your mental state and resilience. There is no benchmark for ‘too much’. If you need some scientific facts on the chemical instability brought on by booze, check out this blog. And if you need further inspiration, here is a great blog from Lifehack on the health benefits of going AF.
Otherwise, just sign up with the rest of us to 28 days, 90 days or 365 days with One Year No Beer. Or try the 30 day Annie Grace Experiment. Don’t wait – this is your personal experiment with you as the test subject 😉.
For me? Well, let’s get to Day 90 and take if from there. I have come a long way from my post two years ago, where I was really worried about my Bipolar and alcohol combo. And now I have taken action and remain Sober Curious 😊.
