The dis-art of the one night stand

Women orgasm, thrash about in delight, leave feeling secure and fulfilled the next morning. Bullshit. According to the research, 85% of men leave saturated, having pursued – to a greater or lesser extent – and conquered; his mind drifts to sport, where he becomes the voyeur and contender, with the occasional flashback to the cum shot. Chemical fact: testosterone – risk taking, dominance, fight or flight – powers the evening, perhaps with a little coke thrown in. Believable. 45% of the women come out the wash devastated. She is not looking for a white wedding, but certainly looking for physical affirmation and to be seen. This was a giving, literally if you consider the positioning, and she is looking for acknowledgement and gratitude. Chemical fact: oxytocin – the cuddle hormone, which comes into play for men when they are far gone, and endorphins – peace, security, painkiller – kick in for her during contact. Believable.

And the other 55%? Because she wants sex, it’s an urge, and the amphetamine high is astonishing: you can’t buy this stuff off your street vendor, a splendid mix of oxytocin, dopamine, norepinephrine and phenylethylamine. This would be addictive, if there were a drug lord who could produce the powder that mimics the body’s ability to orgasm, rush and fully recover in a few short minutes, and if women were short-term, cataleptic, intimacy evading and one-dimensional. Never were, never will be. Bring me a woman who just wants sex, and I’ll uncover a women who hasn’t become conscious to herself just yet.

I have heard too much, interpreted too much, seen too much, experienced too much, to buy this crap. I have read the blogs, read the books, read the online banter. And listening to women who have it down to a fine art is like seeing through rice paper. I question the methodology of the research and I question the self-insight of the Sarah’s who blow and go. Questions women could ask themselves:

1. What would I see in this man if I were sober?
2. What do I want from him?
3. Is he deserving of my body?
4. Is sex a commodity, for me, for tonight?
5. Am I ok with the price, considering supply and demand?

Chances are, the answers before and the answers later will change. In actual fact, I bet my life on it, if you bet your life on being honest with yourself. No matter the answers, THINK about them and experience life. Wake up the next morning and explore your reactions, THINK about your emotions as the months pass. Live life fully and learn about yourself. Hurt, cry, get angry, self-deprecate, obsess, discover, have random sex – again, laugh out loud, give thanks, ignore, chalk it up, pretend, forget, high-five, don’t give a shit. And thanks for the complimentary amphetamine. Accept the man for what he is for the night – a hunter with an uncomplicated psyche. And if you are stewing, do whatever you need to do to move on – except contact him. Men pursue – if he wanted you, he would find you. You are a powerful woman, with depth, so much to give, so much to offer and are able to choose with whom to share your magnificence.

And to the boys who have read this far:
The deal is that sex is a team sport. And choosing a woman to be in the game for the night is a choice: your ball my friend. My message? Keep doing what you do, as women will keep doing what they do, because that’s the way the world works. And think. Recognise the impact of your one-night on your teammate, recognise that there is an unexplored, trusting person housed within that four limbed body with three crevices. And you can no longer claim to be un-informed.


  1. Jess

    July 23, 2012 at 11:33 am

    Brutal, honest, informative. I feel great safety in the confines of my marriage after reading this.

  2. Anita

    June 10, 2012 at 12:43 am

    i like reading this article…thanks.

  3. JFK

    June 5, 2012 at 11:47 am

    As u say we are all what we are and I will keep happy with those one-night stands with girls who are up for it. better informed but she is still not my responsibility

  4. Natalie

    June 5, 2012 at 8:32 am

    Wow! You sure started with a difficult one. Liked the combination of factual and removed with underlying glimpses of personal experience. Think you’re a natural blogger… Wish you had started this a long time ago xxx

  5. Enlightened

    June 5, 2012 at 8:28 am

    There is a lot of pain there…not sure that the cause and effect are worth it in the end…

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